Dear Raquel,

I miss your advice columns. Will you ever post again???

Sincerely,

Miss U

Dear Miss U,

How sweet! I am so happy to say I am baaaack after a little hiatus where I was very SERIOUSLY considering running for office and thus wiping my internet presence clean. Then I realized I have like, zero qualifications??? Which hasn’t stopped every single old white guy in power before but what can I say, I’m a victim of my gender identity and also, politics shmolitics — can you say BOOOOORING.

So the blog is back up and running and I’d like…

Dear Raquel,

Valentine’s Day is coming up — but it’s a pandemic so I’m not sure how to meaningfully celebrate with everything closed. Any tips?

Signed,

Cupid

Dear Cupid,

Earnestly celebrating Valentine’s Day?! Couldn’t be me dawg and it shouldn’t be you either. The only flowers I’ve ever received from an S/O on V-Day came from the grocery store I used to live above — kinda removes all romance when your bouquet of wilted Metro roses smells like deli meat. …

Dear Raquel,

Tips for going on COVID-safe dates?

Signed,

Single & Ready to Mingle

Dear Single & Ready to Mingle,

Cases are up and morale is down! IDK if I’m finally slipping into a long overdue, anxiety-induced psychosis or if I CAN in fact physically see the serotonin falling out of my brain, but either way — everything suuuuuucks. Sometimes, it’s all too much to handle. I haven’t seen a mouth in public in MONTHS. More importantly, no one has seen mine — or what I have inside of it, which is two rows of exceptionally straight, vibrantly white teeth…

Dear Raquel,

I live alone and I am so bored. What do you do to stay entertained? Help!!!!

Sincerely,

Bored & Alone

Dear Bored & Alone,

Great question that I’m positioned well to answer because unlike Beyoncé, I do not excel as a solo artist.

I live alone, too, which can be hard because I am social and like to be around people 98% of the time if given the choice. That being said, there is something pretty novel about only having to worry about yourself in a time in history where we have A TON of other things to…

Dear Raquel,

I’m trying to stop drinking for the month of January. Any tips?

Sincerely,

Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence

Dear Call me When You’re Sober by Evanescence,

Firstly, loving the sign-off. Brings me back to when I was 13 (having never been drunk a day in my life) weeping in front of my mirror as I applied yet another coat of black nail polish, singing my absolute heart out to this.

Spoiler alert: 2020 was trash and a lot of us spent it in a hazy fog — whether it be because your eyes are scorched from…

I’ve skipped the advice this week in favour of something a little more heartfelt and genuine as we gear up for a brand new year.

I know everyone is sharing that meme warning people to ignore reflective 2020 posts where people detail all of their accomplishments. I get it, 2020 was an extremely challenging year so bragging about anything other than watching ALL of Netflix or growing your very own sourdough starter would be a bit gauche. But I call bullshit on pretending I didn’t just have the most ICONIC year of my life and you shouldn’t either. Tonight at…

Dear Raquel,

Are you going to take the vaccine when it is available to you? I’m just not sure what’s in it. How can we know it’s safe?

Signed,

Anti VaXXX

Dear Anti VaXXX,

For insurance purposes I have to very clearly state that I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. In fact, I used to talk SO much shit about science, which is to say I failed a lot of science classes in high school. …

Dear Raquel,

I can’t believe almost a year has passed since the pandemic started!! I miss my old life, how do you stay optimistic?

Sincerely,

Mourning the Past

Dear Mourning the Past,

Remember those early days back in March? So naive, so frantic! We were all raw dogging it in the streets, no masks to speak of, running through the grocery store and buying up all the Lysol, hand sanitizer and toilet paper. I’d like to think we’ve evolved since then but I don’t trust any of you.

That said, I too, am absolutely shocked at how quickly this year…